The Power of Choice
We have many choices to make in our lives. Some are easy and some are difficult. But in most situations there is a choice. As I coach people I often hear 'I have no choice'. Well there really are three choices - accept the situation as is, change the situation or remove yourself from the situation.Feeling like you have no decision may lead to a feeling of powerlessness. It depletes our energy, affects our outlook and way of responding and interacting. The intention should always be to find a position of power - by this I mean a place to make a choice. The choice may simply be to accept a situation.
A few examples: A co-worker that you can't get along with; a volunteer position that you feel you are not contributing to, a job you may not enjoy. The situation may weigh so heavily on you that the joy in other parts of life are lessened. This can lead to a sense of powerlessness. Thoughts such as: "I can't work with this person anymore.", "I have to keep working". "I don't know how to do anything else." may take over that sense of control to create this sense of not having a choice.
Life is way too short to be somewhere that you don't want to be; to be doing something that is not fulfilling you, to be with people that don't make you feel wonderful, to not feel that sense of contribution and fulfillment. You are an incredible human being, put on this earth for very specific reasons: to make, change and do things, to have and share experiences, to befriend others, love, laugh and just be.
So if you are in a situation where there is a sense of being stuck ask yourself: What is the best position to take right now? Here are three choices:
- Accept the situation.
- Change the situation.
- Remove yourself from the situation.
Accepting the situation you are in is not
giving up or giving in, it is a choice. Once the choice is made
it takes the stress away. It creates a more peaceful approach to
handling the situation and being part of it. Accepting the
situation may mean a full acceptance or a temporary one. You may
plan your way out. Using the volunteer example you may choose to
accept it right now because you have made an annual commitment,
but begin planning which organization/group/association you will
volunteer for next.
Ask yourself what changes can I make to make this
situation better. In the work situation you may choose to speak to your
boss or address a co-worker that you can improve your relationship
with. If you meet with your boss, let him/her know what you need;
what will make your job better, what will make you an even greater
shining star in work performance. Another choice is to apply for other
jobs, either in your company or outside. Choose a role, division
or company that makes you feel good, one that has similar values
to the ones you feel are important, more flexible hours, closer to
home, etc. Define what will make the situation or job easier for you
and make it happen.
If you are totally stuck and choices
one and two don't work, you may need to remove yourself. This can mean
taking a walk, not responding to a situation, taking vacation or taking
some time off to further consider choices one and two. Sometimes we are
so close and inter twined with the situation or problem that we can't
see it clearly. A time out can work wonders! Remember that you, your
health and your family are more important than the stress. What you do
each and every day leaves an imprint on your soul. These imprints
accumulate and become who you are now, and add to who you will be tomorrow.
If you are in a negative place make a positive choice. Step back and take
a realistic view of where you are and what the situation brings.
Coaching questions to spark your thoughts:
In what part(s) of your life do you have that sense of having no choice, no control, no ability to make a decision. Is this causing you stress? What choices do you have? Look at these choices, decide which choice works best for you. Create some active steps to move in the direction you want to go.Remember that you have choices. Empower yourself. Leave the powerlessness and helplessness; make a choice that works for you. Remember we have a finite number of days here. Enjoy each and every one!
Anne Rose
August 2005
